Sitting in the departures lounge, I look around at the people leading their normal lives at the airport. Some are families, stressing out over their children causing a ruckus and worrying what they’re going to be like on the plane. A pain in the ass, that’s what. Some are lone travellers, like myself, lost in books, iPhones and the commotion around them. I spend most of my time looking at the couples, lost in each other’s eyes and kissing each other on the noses. Pass me a bucket please. I may seem glad that I’m not one of them, I’m secretly loathe the fact that they have someone to be happy with. Someone that has their back and someone to say “I love you” every day. The announcer tells us that we have to start boarding the plane. I give the woman my boarding pass and enter the plane. Thankfully I have a window seat and don’t have to awkwardly sit between two people I don’t know. I can wistfully look out the window and lose myself for a few hours.
Being back in L.A was helping me forget about what happened with Josh. I had received a text from him which simply read
I didn’t reply though, what was I to say? Oh yeah Josh it’s fine you know we can be best friends again! No. He had gone too far once again and I was certainly not going back to him. College and work kept my mind on other things and I found myself not being able to think about anything else. College was tough going and professors were really piling on the assignments. Work was really demanding aswell. I worked one week night and worked all day Saturday and Sunday. I barely had time to myself. The only other thing really on my mind was Kyle. Yes Kyle but not for the usual reasons. He was acting very, well, strangely. At work whenever he came in, he would just stare at me with a very hostile look on his face. I expressed my concerns to my colleague Julie but she told me to stop being so paranoid.
“But Julie, if your ex-boyfriend was standing there staring at you with a look like he wants to kill, would you just shrug it off” I asked.
“Well I suppose not but Kyle is just going through the “getting over you” stage. He’s hurt by the fact that your relationship is over and he’s trying to find ways to express his hurt so he’s just staring at you like that.” Spoke Julie.
“That made absolutely no sense whatsoever Julie. And what’s this “getting over you stage” then?”.
“It’s one of the four stages of getting over a person.
1. The Ben&Jerry’s stage- that period just after you break up where your emotions are all over the place and you find solace in a tub of Ben & Jerry’s Baked Alaska ice-cream. Well not Baked Alaska specifically but that’s my flavour of choice.
2. The Getting Over You Stage- the time when you’re still upset over the fact that your relationship is over but you’re trying your hardest not to feel any of those feelings you had for your ex. In Kyle’s case, he’s feeling anger towards you right now which is replacing his love for you. He will soon be moving on to stage 3, which is;
3. The Mingling Stage- when the majority of your feelings have dispersed for that person and you soon find the strength to go out and start mingling with other people. It still hurts a little bit to see or hear of your ex but you happily find yourself not crying over them anymore.
4. The Civil Stage- you’re happily with someone else that you really care for and are now able to converse with your ex without any bad tension lingering in the air. The two of you aren’t the best of friends but you’re civil to each other and are happy that you’ve both moved on.”
“You should really be working in a teen magazine and not in a party planner company!” I tell her.
“It’s a gift being this creative and amazing!” she exclaims.
I giggle and get back to work.
Back at home I lose myself in college assignments and emailing venues for a party at work. I’m so engrossed in what I’m doing that I barely even recognise that someone is banging on my front door. Hard. I warily get up from my seat and into the hallway. Someone is outside and they really wanna see me. At first I think it might be Josh, wanting to talk about things. Then I think about how it could be some madman trying to attack me or something.
“Who’s there?” I call out.
His voice was soft and barely audible. I opened the door. He had obviously been crying because his eyes were red and bloodshot. “Kyle is just going through the “Getting over you stage””, Julie’s voice rings through my head. Right the “getting over you stage”, what did she say about that? Oh yeah, that the person is still upset over the ending of your relationship. But what was the last part? I didn’t have time to think before Kyle spoke.
“Why did you do it?” he asks.
“Why did I do what?”
“Oh don’t give me that, you know exactly what I’m talking about. So Emma, why did you do it huh? Was I not good enough for you or something? Did I make you unhappy!?” he asks with a lot of resentment in his voice.
“No Kyle, it’s not you it’s-“
“Will you stop giving me all the bullshit!? I bet you’ve been cheating on me. Yeah, you’ve been cheating on me and decided to get rid of me so you could be with your lover!” says Kyle.
“No! I would never in a million years cheat on you. You’re too nice to cheat on, I couldn’t do that to you!” I exclaim.
“Oh and yet you find it okay to just break up with me out of the blue? You think it’s okay to rip my heart out and break it? Well you did! You did just that! You know I thought you were different from other girls. I thought that you weren’t cold-hearted like the rest of them out here in L.A. I was wrong though, wasn’t I? You’re worse than those girls! I hope you rot in hell Emma Singer!” he shouts.
“No Kyle sto-“ I grab his arm to stop him from walking out the front door.
“Get off of me Emma!” he yells before grabbing my granite ornament and whacking me on the head, plunging me into the darkness of my own mind.
I hate myself. I hate myself more than I hate that bitch out of that tv show “Revenge”. And I really hate her. How could I have been such a douche? How could I leave town without telling the girl I love goodbye. I mean I got out of Kentucky because I couldn’t handle being with Emma. Every minute I spent with her, my love for her grew bigger and bigger and I was going to burst at any minute. It made sense at the time. I told my Mom everything and made her promise not to tell Emma anything. When I look back at it now, I realise that I took the coward’s way out. I was too afraid to admit my feelings and felt that running away from them would make things better. It didn’t, it made things so much worse. Now Emma probably hates my guts and I’ve ruined any possible chance I could have had with her. I decided to say something to her. A text. But I didn’t know what to say. How was I supposed to explain myself in a text? So I simply sent her a text saying
Good one Josh, taking the easy way out again. I needed to confront my feelings and be a man. I needed to go over to Emma’s apartment and tell her how sorry I was. She might not forgive me but I’d know that I’d at least made an effort to apologise. Yeah I’m gonna go do that!
“Hey Andre!”, I called out to my roommate, “I’m just going out. I’ll be back in a while!”
“Okay I’ll see you later!”, he called back.
I knew where Emma lived because she gave me the address of her apartment last week, when we were still friends and planning on what we would do in L.A.
The drive wasn’t that long. Ten minutes and I was sitting in my car, outside her apartment block. She’d done well for herself! I couldn’t find myself getting out of the car though. I didn’t want to face her beautiful self and have to explain myself. She’ll probably think it’s a load of crap and tell me to piss off. You deserve it though Josh! I tell myself. Opening the door, I slowly walk up to the stairwell and go to the second floor and apartment 2C. Emma’s apartment, obviously. As I approach the door, I sense something is wrong though when I find it slightly ajar. My instinct kicked in and I just knew something was wrong. I open the door and find Emma lying in the hallway, unconscious, with blood seeping from her forehead.